It’s finally arrived, and it’s like Christmas.
Gwyneth “Goop” Paltrow, the world’s most consistently mild human, has finally released her cookbook My Father’s Daughter, and confirmed all the little horrors I suspected she might be harbouring.
From what I can gather so far, it’s bland, self-congratulatory, uninteresting and smug – everything I’d dreamed of.
But my favourite so far is Eater.com’s list of “The Best Lines from Gwyneth Paltrow’s Cookbook“:
- “The stove is really the epicenter of my house — I am never far away from it and most of the time there is something atop it, simmering away for my family.”
- “When I was twenty-one, a friend gave me a book called Diet for a New America by John Robbins, which exposed the brutal practices of American factory farms. That, coupled with a lecture from Leonardo DiCaprio (when he was nineteen and I was twenty-one) about how such animals are kept and processed, made me lose my desire for factory farm pork and beef right there.”
- “One cold wintry day in London, I was dreaming about salad nicoise—one of my favorites.”
- “I had my first bowl of gazpacho when I was fifteen in Spain, and the impression it made was a lasting one.”
- “During the strict macrobiotic chapter of my life, I ate miso soup every day for breakfast and sometimes with dinner as well.”
- “One evening when I had my wood-burning stove going I realized I hadn’t thought of dessert.”
- “I first had a version of this at a Japanese monastery during a silent retreat—don’t ask, it’s a long story.”
Dear god, make it stop.