As much as I love a good rant, people who use the abbreviation “da” in place of the word “the” legitimately deserve to be shot in the facial area.
We all recall how “da” popped up when cellphones first came out, and people were so bewildered by the act of texting that all kinds of weirdnesses were allowed. It was cool to pretend that you were a rapper from the depths of Hillbrow/Queens/The Carribean (even if you lived in Umhlanga), because using those people’s cool slang was quicker than typing out whole words. If you are still doing this, you’re saying to your textee that you think you are cutting edge and cool for doing things that no one has done in 10 years. Do you also make a show of using a dial-up modem connection, or wearing pedal pushers? Is your ringtone the theme song to Dawson’s Creek?
If you are typing me an e-mail on a computer and you use “da” instead of “the”, I will instantly question our friendship. You’ve not only overlooked the blinding lameness of the word (as outlined above), but I know you have an entire keyboard at your disposal. So you aren’t limited to a tiny cellphone keypad, and typing out one extra letter isn’t a physical strain. Also, it’s an e-mail so you aren’t limited by character cut-offs. You can type whatever you like for as long as you like in an e-mail, and you’ve voluntarily chosen to sound like a wally.
If you are not an orthodox Rastafarian, or an infant, or a member of a rapper’s entourage, please stop this at once.
Obviously, I’m willing to bend this rule if I receive an e-mail from the Democratic Alliance.