Haven’t been this excited about a blog since the golden age of 1000 Tiny Things I Hate (a horse I’ve beaten well beyond the grave).
Ladies and Gentleman, Luv and Hat.
LUV – Oh, go easy on him. Admittedly I’ve never been able to manage an entire Michael Cera film in one go – except for Juno, actually, although that might be because I was paralysed with piss-boiling rage after about three seconds of listening to Ellen Page call people ‘homeskillet’ again and again just to prove how adorable and alternative she is and OH GOD WHY WON’T YOU STOP? WHY WON’T YOU JUST TALK NORMALLY, YOU INCREDIBLE FUCKING WASTE OF TIME AND CARBON? HUH? WHY? I MEAN JESUS! – but that’s beside the point.
The point is that, while only an actual simpleton would seek out and watch Nick And Nora’s Infinite Playlist or Paper Heart, Michael Cera himself isn’t what you should be directing your anger at. Yes, he holds some responsibility for the wave of cloyingly indie-schmindie, cardigan-wearing, ironically-haired media we’ve all had to deal with lately – yes, Godfather 3-referencing Match.com advert, I am looking at you. I am looking right into your stupid eyes and I am literally shitting into my pants right in front of you, and we both know that I’m doing it, and that I’m only doing it to make you feel awkward – but they’re just films. Michael Cera himself is, you know, OK.
Exhibit A – Michael Cera was in Arrested Development, and everyone who has ever been in Arrested Development gets a lifetime pass from me.
Exhibit B – Michael Cera told this anecdote on a late-night chatshow recently, and it’s funny and charming and ramshackle enough for me to believe that there’s more to him than constant wet-mouthed mumbling. Therefore, in conclusion, Michael Cera is decent chap and I won’t hear anything said against him.
Oh, and I also saw Superbad. Some of it was quite good.
– Stuart Heritage
HAT – Good god damn I am sick to the eye-teeth of Michael Cera’s awkward, child-man Aspergers-poster-boy mumblecore shtick.
I mean, I’m hesitant to HAT him because it seems like such a massive betrayal of My People (sensitive, adjectival indie kids who read comic books, consider falafel a valid food group, and end sentences with “or whatever”, or whatever).
But Michael Cera’s an actor, right? He’s supposed to act, not shuffle between quirky indie romances, ineffectually holding out his earphones to passing runners so they can hear this kind of awesome Guatamalan klezmer ukulele Kiss cover band that he saw at SXSW.
I’d like him better if, just once, he was cast against type. Michael Cera for Batman, I say. Michael Cera for American Psycho.
Michael Cera for Shaft.
According to IMDB his next role is reprising his character George-Michael in the Arrested Development movie. After that, he voices a cartoon about a nerdy misunderstood frog who just wants to do whatever you want to do. After that, he just plays a puddle.
And this is all your fault. I’m talking to you, sensitive indie kid in the limited edition Belle and Sebastian T-shirt. You paid to see tedious hipster idiots mumbling about love in Paper Heart. We wouldn’t be in this mess if you’d only done the decent thing and seen The Expendables.
So fuck you, sensitive indie kid. Fuck you in your sensitive indie hole.
– Robyn Wilder
Keep an eye on this lot. They’re clever and full of awesome.